Faith - Growth - Keep walking even when I cant see - God can - Blind faith

The Flow
Everything that comes to us, comes to pass or, more accurately, for us to pass on. Not just the money in our pocket, but wisdom, objects, ideas, even opportunities, all come to us, so that, at the right moment, we can pass them on. This is called flow. Being in the flow means being aware that the river of life is flowing to us at every moment. Being in the flow means accepting whatever comes and putting it to good use, before passing it on. Going with the flow means allowing whatever comes to move on freely, without holding on to it in any way.
Inner Space Thought for today

I am crying again
Accepting I am changing
being changed
by what I do
I can't go back
I don't know whats forward
well thats not true
Letting go
Seeing there is another way
even when I cant see
who says I am going forward?
who says I am going backwards?
only me...
old ideas
the only direction I am growing
is towards God
and for that I am willing
to move in whatever direction
He suggests

Changing and being changed
If I live the serenity prayer
the step 3 and 7 prayer
this will naturally happen

Once again I am looking at step 11
once again I see further growth
and my current whatever it is
is not working
what I want to do
I want to run from
what I think I dont understand
yet it makes perfect sense
to do it to me
yet completely against the grain
of MOST of those outside of AA
I know would go
yet I feel I will be moving towards
those who make me feel comfortable

Once again
I am drawn to spending the week
camping with a bunch of Christians
even though I am not one
I really enjoy the company, teachings
and music of many of those who are
with direction, a sense of fun
and very imperfect like me!
Again its just the Jesus
handing my will over to a person
feels like old behaviour
seems finite, restricting
God what did they do before he was born?

I read (probably not word perfect from
Conversations ith God part 2)
that religeon is for people
who look to be told what to do
and spirituality for those who
look to find out for themselves...

ok, so whats not spiritual about
finding out what its like to be a christian
for myself?

I wouldnt have known and found out
without being shown, invited and taken places
at times it has felt exclusive rather than inclusive
but at the end of the day
everything I have experienced has been alright
at times amazing and at times seemingly.. boring
but never a waste of time and always making sense
encouraging, always seem to have time
sharing experiences, open fellowship
willing to be honest about them selves
prideless at times
without desperation
with humility

other directions suggested
I have not had that experience
doors remained closed
closed
? for the moment

really not sure
God you know
I am in this
and I dont really want to step out
yet I have to

nothing is making sense at the moment
I am not even sure my own
experiences I just wrote
are what I experienced

Nothings actually wrong
yet I don't feel quite right

so I must go with the flow
breathe in and out
let in and let out
Let go and let God

Its alright, its alright
ITS ALL RIGHT

She moves in Mysterious ways

She sees the woman inside this child

One day you will look back
And you'll see
Where you were held
How? By this love
While you could stand there
You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling

Go with the Flow
Stop thinking and just do

There's more...
areas of my life I have just
addressed rather like in the manner
of my previous post
I see whats not moved on, changed
I see whats changed
and I see where theres a need
for change
and a need to stop and leave be
already

crying is good :)
I've stopped now
essential
healthy
and healing
and clearing a blockage
channel