mental Physical stuff today

Yeh i am interested in how my mind
and body work... Or dont work :)

is it my imagination or
is my kidney/abdomen area
hurting this evening? Hehe
the mind has a mind of its own
more water
more water

i sometimes wonder
if because i am asked questions
regarding my body workings
it then kind of gives me permission
to acknowledge sonethinga is going on
like the pain
or gives my imagination a crack
at creating a pain which is
all centred in the mind??


i thought it was hip pain
or lower back
now he mentions kidney
i think kidney

i wonder how neurotic i will become
around health issues...
Its a given that the more
i mix with people
the more i will hear health issues
it made me laugh how as soon
as i get given a diagnosis
many people offered a suggestion
advice, yet not many followed the
same advice they had been given
in a diaciplined fashiom

i have to be real
The best GP yesterday said
he would not be getting excited
about my cholestrol level or anemia level
even if it stayed as is and escalated over
10 year period with fanily history
he still would not get excited
its goiod to look at diet again
throw out some stuff
add some things in
cut down, step up
yet i need not get neurotic
not overanalyse
and stop thinking about my
physocal health 24/7
whats the word?
Oh yeh
an obsession!!
God help me!!

Mentally this evening
i had a fleeting
oh well if i have effin cancer
and am gonna die
then who gives a c4@9
if i eat chocolate at midnight
who cares if my sample
in the
morning has cadburys in it?
Really what does it matter
4 chuncks of dairy milk
?
So i am not perfect
i am afraid of letting go of the reigns
to another human
yet i have home group members
who light the path in front of me
only by weeks
and set me an example
as i said beforw
i dont want to die
not yet
i feel like i have too much life
running through my bones
(robbie williams)
not going to waste
but it would e a waste
to go any time now

thank you for your comments
i have no idea either
how anyone does it
without a LOVING God
i certainly couldnt have faith
in just any old HP
has to be loving and want
me happy joyeous & free
and gives me jobs to do :)