Tuesday, February 19, 2008

And acceptance is the answer.....

God said
Give yourself a break
It is exactly the way its meant to be
I am human
Emotion, tears, acceptance, sadness, joy
all ok

Only a robot would not FEEL anything
I am human
accept it
Its not all about friends
theres other things I am feeling too
around this time of year
much as I would like to say I don't
I do feel, and its normal I hear

Regarding friendship
I have friends
who love me
who I love
care about me
who I care about
push me
let me push them
pull me
let me pull them
lift me
are lifted by me
lean on me
let me lean on them
trust me
I trust them

Unconditional Love
is being able to give aswell as receive
"All people will let me down"
but thats no excuse to not make friends
"Let me down" is beginning to feel like an innapropriate phrase
under the current changes
I dont feel let down
by anyone
in fact I feel
your experience, strength and hope and Love
I feel lifted up by compassion, empathy
understanding, I am not alone, special or different

so its progress for me that nowadays
I don't over ask of friends/fellows/colleagues/family?
yes it is
huge progress

God said
you lowered your expectations Johno
stopped putting people on pedestals
expectations lead to disappointment
when there are no expectations
there will be no disappointment
people do not always let you down

Yeh I see that now, I agree

another old idea I suppose to let go of
"people will always let me down"
hand it over to room 101

there you go, so theres some progress
isnt it Johno?


and johno...
regarding making and maintaining friendships
don't stop
Get in there!
It gets better


ps thank you for your comments & conversations
I feel loved, but not pitied
Gratitude shines today :)

A conversation with my sponsor about jesus
becoming a Christian, Christians generally
my progress and my fear around this subject
and around my mother at the moment
has opened me up abit more today
with colleagues about my mum, friends
with tears
hey! nobody drowned from over crying
or drowning in their own snot?

later the lyric "Let me inside you" came over me
I racked my brains to know what song it came from
and its this

Hymn to her
The Pretenders

God what ARE YOU trying to tell me?
make it clear?

Yeh I hear you!
You be my mother when everythings gone!

I listen to you and I want some more
I listen to you and I want some more

Somethings change some stay the same

Whatever, Jesus Christ I try so hard to be open
You aint in there yet
but I know if your meant to get in
you will
and its ok

But i wont do it just to people please
I will do anything for love
But I wont do that, oh no, I wont do that

Oh my God
Music, God you know the way to this womans heart!
you Bleeder
Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water--if I get to hot--?
Will ya take me to places I've never known?
God just sat on the edge of his big chair
there swinging his legs smirking

and quietly said... i can do that

I have added to this post about 5 times now
in the last 3 hours
I hope its done...
but what do I know?



Ingenue, Interrupted said...

I could say the same thing for you my loveliest! We have some sort of trans-atlantic sober mind meld going on here. Radical Acceptance is my thought of the year as well. I tend to "grade" my sobriety by how many "good" days I've had. I tend to batter myself senseless for the bad days and that is just a little, hmmm, unnecessary. It's for the HP to do decide what's good or bad, I just have to embrace it all and stay as aware as possible while I transform...

xoxoxoxo Me

Syd said...

I still forget sometimes about expectations and just need to accept others as they are. Thanks for the reminder today.