Monday, February 04, 2008

Resentment is the number one offender... Johno you need Gods help... just do it!

Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.P64

whats it mean?
I for instance have a few resentments festering
which I need to do something about
i have "more" important things
and because I am getting some sort of pleasure
hanging around these people
waiting for some fantastical happy ending
I predict a happy ending
even though I can see I am not in it
I still predict, which is me running the show
rather than
than letting God take over and drive me
instead I (thats me the great me)
allow the defective motives
drive my actions
and lead to the consequences
and lead me into a resentment
which fans my selfcentred fear
which pops at my pride
which fanns my fear
which leads to me thinking I should run away
and isolate
and not take part in
...not just the activity
but everything, the whole thing

I am kidding myself that
I am taking part in something
with an attitude of service!
well I am
and at the same time
I am self seeking
and have a dishonest motive
self seeking
self centred
its all about me me me
and remember... other people are sick too

I need help, my world has got small
and God now has a couple of faces
So I am not looking at God
people are not God

we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. What was our choice to be? P53

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn´t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God´s help. p62

Stop fighting and wrestling with the other sick Pig
two or three sick pigs wrestling makes a very big mess
you have no business going there
Leave it all alone

and Go to frickin bed! and pray for some willingness
and stop mucking about

"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" p63


indistinct said...

I'm just imagining you in God's hands, enveloped in the calm and peace that comes from trusting in a power higher than ourselves.

I can relate to how your wrote that you can see God with two faces. When I get like that, it gets difficult for me. I need to really work at thinking of the loving, caring, forgiving Higher Power that I am learning to trust. To know God as someone to trust. Not the malevolent god I used to think existed.

Your in our prayers. We pray that through the current stuff your going through, you end up closer to your Higher Power.

Shadow said...

resentment is a bad one. being aware of it helps. handing it over to God, even better. good for you!

Ingenue, Interrupted said...

Oh I love the third step prayer. I feel like whatever your spiritual inclinations might be, that prayer is so beautiful and freeing....