Monday, February 11, 2008

Self will sends me so blind, I cannot see or feel God or the truth. What I see is still not the truth at times

All from pages 84,85,86,87 Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

Thank God I can
Admit my shortcomings
and try again
and again
and again
and again

Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them

It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions.

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?

Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action.

we ask God to direct our thinking

we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. we relax and take it easy

heres 3 songs in one which just about sums me up at the moment

Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

Suggestions about these may be obtained from one’s priest, minister, or rabbi. (or sponsor) Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer thought or action
running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works-it really does.

We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. “Faith without works is dead.” The next chapter is entirely devoted to Step Twelve.

Johno's stuff
See I know
But I am not doing?
I am doing... it my way
I can manipulate anything

No matter sometimes how much
I try and manipulate the world
eventually God
gets his own way
not that I complain when he does
cos its amazing
yet I still dont see when I am not letting go absolutely

I just spent a few hours
writing inventory
seeing whats really going on

Theres so much I could write
But I want to go back
and talk to God

See me feel me touch me
I am blind and want to see
Any lengths?
no I havent been
see I cant lie
I thought I was
but I wasnt
now I read step 10 and 11 in the big book
I havent!
How easy to get off track
and make up my own program of maintenence


Ps I know what the problem is
I just dont want to spend hours on here

Just to say
My resentments last week
though dealt with
still require work
more than I thought

I need to pray alot
not just say alot
on my knees
not on these keys

I just need to hand my Crown to God
and ask him to drive my intuition
So I can
feel touch
Instead of making demands
and self seeking in all directions
without much self restraint
well ok there is some
All my defects are appearing HUGE
to me at the moment

I am walking round
with all my nerve ends on the outside

This too shall pass
with some work!


Christine said...

handing my crown to Him...

yeah, I can relate to asking

touch feel and heal me.

Ingenue, Interrupted said...

Once again, words of wisdom that I NEED. God, please release me from my bondage of SELF so I may better do your will. Let me be happy, joyous and free so I may be a living testament to your grace. Help me bring joy and ease to the lives of everyone I meet so I may give away the gifts you've so freely given me.....

I'm on a prayer bender right now to sister. I totally took back the reins fo my will and nearly willed myself right into a relapse. I didn't even know I was being willful at the time! I had myself convinced that I was living out my higher power's directions. Hindsight is a bitch...

Hugs and cuddles,