And then I get proved wrong...
The thing about no internet at home
is that I can be glued to a screen
all day at work
and then all evening at home
and then in the spare moments
on email and blogg
johno's become a very dull girl
I have now got a memory stick
and learned how to use it!
To transfer my work from home to work...
and back again... to email from work if necessary
freedom or what!
Small victories... get there in the end
I have now started calling people up in the evenings
rather than email or text
and arranging to go out..
all going in the right direction
have the underlying ansgt
I havent done enough
and resentments around
mix ups at uni
I will learn from whatever the outcomes are
Quarterly review at work tomorrow
naturally preparing for the worst
and trying not to sabotage
to prove myself right
and deserving of rubbish review
Its sunny outside
Its all a lie
my head its all a lie
enjoying not having the internet at home
means I get more organised in the day
As for munchtime and early meetings
Its hard to justify a lunch meeting
when I havent got in on time
yet they are minutes away fom me!
still waking up in the mornings
and working hard
to get out of bed
and face the
False Evidence that Appears Real FEAR
that ties me to the bed each morning
and creates further fear
and wipes any good thats in my life
for quite a number of minutes/hours
which is rubbish
as I end up getting in at the same time most days
even with the invisible fight that goes on
and they dont even bat an eyelid
when I get in
its all in my head
except its physical
and very tiring
and appears like laziness
and chronic self centredness
perhaps it is!
Now thats Insanity & Madness!
but its my truth
its how I am
The disease that centres in the mind
and I am the victim
Though I have no idea
what the future holds
Theres always a choice
still choosing the victim
still holding on to the corner of the towel?
I have no idea!
Another love interest this week
I am told its healthy to explore options
go and explore, ask him out for coffee
I feel flakey
a crush here and a crush there
yeh even married and met the parents in my head last night
it went well by the way
really good wedding and the parents are lovely
he's nice too
but then theres all the stuff inbetween
well thats all you got the jist of it
i'm REALLY off this time
enjoy the evening sun
or whatever you have when you read this