Friday, April 18, 2008

Working with others - Helps me

I have exhausted all ideas
I am exhausted
with someone
they are not even trying
no desire to change
time to let go
Let God

I have learned alot
Regarding my own
specifically around this
9am stuff
nothing I dont know already

waiting for the magic wand
to whisk me out of bed
and to work
with all the necessaries done in between
without me actually doing anything

No that fantasy will NEVER happen
not in a million years

It actually matters
if I turn up on time

Practically it makes sense to
practice being punctual
here rather than waiting til
i really need to learn in a future job
at some point there will be a job I am well
qualified for
which I wont go for or I will get and lose
as a direct result of my punctuality

now thats sad

Until AA I didnt manage 1 month continuous sobriety
in 20 years of drinking
and now I have 4.5 years

Until now I have not managed 1 months continuous
arriving on time at school or work
in 30 years

Do I have an honest desire to change or be changed?
Old behaviour waits til my back against the wall
and then fight and scream and drama queen it
AA has taught me to behave more responsibly
Is it in step 6 or 7
where we become more pressured to do the right thing
yeh here it is!

I didnt answer the question
Do I have an honest desire to change or be changed?
No, therefore I wont change

Whats the solution then?
Live with it and all its future consequences
and let this same old discussion
keep rearing its head over and over


pray for the willingness to change
my attitude towards getting in at 9am
Not ask to be in for 9am
which is making a demand of God
which is not handing over
To ask for my attitude to be changed is

Ok heres the plan
pray everyday for 2 weeks
for willingness
twice a day and through the day
and see what happens
its a start

Have a good weekend!

5 a side football


Syd said...

Your frustration of exhausting all possibilities sounds a bit like mine. I've let it go.

For 5 a side--definitely athletic shorts and a tee shirt. Sounds like fun.

davidcwelker said...

encouraging blog, found it searching "delirious" - one of my fav bands. God bless!

Christine said...

oh there are times I have to pray for the willingness to be willing to change a something I can change but unwilling to change