Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Its all becoming clearer - more about study

one of the modules
seems to be fitting into place
buying a voice recorder
was the best buy
along with a bigger ipod
in the last 6 months or so
thanks y'awl fecker!

LISTENING how it all works
over and over
writing it out
LISTENING to this new language
in fear
and now finally HEARING the process
the stucture to follow
and the principles to apply
praise the Lord
i am hearing it spoken by others I trust
those that know better than me
who I understand now to be very imperfect
who get certain things very wrong
but who are definitly
guiding me in the right direction
I am now following their directions
learning how to structure a sentence
!? in English
how these words fit together
sound basic English stuff
but for me its a skill I am learning
painstakingly... its true
word by word
and how to reason it all
test it all out
no guess work
results based, evidence based
stick with the winners
in the broadest sense of the word
working out who my teachers are
in front of me
and past and present
yeh man
bring it on
i am getting excited again!
on one module
all sounds very familiar "rules/suggestions"
I learned in AA and the final suggestion
practice the principles in all your affairs

One module of two seems to be
coming clearer

the other is still a mare..
Rararara
its ALL exactly how its meant to be
its not over YET
if it all became clear at the same time
i THINK i MAY DIE OF SHOCK and cynicism
and I wouldnt believe it was truly clear
moi the eternal doubter

We had to register next years modules
this week, I thought i had done it wrong
contact the correct person
and was told to STOP WORRYING
are you suprised?

If you are approaching end of semester
Good luck, stop thinking now just 'uckin do it
follow the process
apparantly the words are all in there (ones head)
God will get them out in the right order
if i/we let him

still praying for a change in attitude to
9am start. 9.15am today
however I did notice
my chains were nothing to do with
the imaginary gestapo protecting the world
but tiredness from being up very late
doing homework

hmmm is this yet another
old idea I am going to have to let go of
for lack of evidence based
on from now onwards?
have I chaned without realising it?
could be...

praying anyway

Footballs off for me tomorrow
to many dropped out...
have to say
this week I am relieved
only as I am lacking in energy
self inflicted non gym attendance
for a while now
I actually am looking forward to
getting back down there and
picking up where I have let my self go
firming up what was once firm or firming up
prioritizing physical appearance
a little higher than I have been
internal and external nourishment
looking forward to all that
again :)

The lights are coming on
and I am at home
sanity restoring
who knows for how long
I am enjoying having it
for today

3 comments:

Suicidal_ Exasperation said...

Love the blog... I don't know if you remember me or my blog at all... But, I'm back and it feels goood... check it out and let me know what you think...

Christine said...

I've suggested to sponsees to show up 15 minutes early for things--not try to be on time. Its worked for some.

And I know for me, being accontable to someone helps...

xxOOO

Syd said...

Physical exercise is always good. Walking or lifting, rowing or running--all help me clear my mind. I'm glad that your lights are on.