Thursday, April 03, 2008

its all ok again? yeh seems it... and relax! sky didnt fall in

I can see how crimes are committed
and do people do things
when their thinking is driven
by "hormones" "defects" HALT

If I had lstened to my head
and acted out on it
in the last few months
I would be jobless
barked at my dad
in prison
on prozac or something like

Think Think Think
beware of the first thought
wait for the second
and sometimes a 3rd is an even better one
Eventually! it becomes clear whats
Self Will and whats Gods Will
though not always
which is what sponsors, other peoples sponsors
other AA's
other teachers
reliable people in certain areas
help with
oh yeh and then theres my own experience
when I remember or choose to listen to!

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. P87

Even if everything seems VERY dark
its not
just cloudy
clouds pass
Sun always comes out eventually
Its true. ask the flowers!

I dont get this
I have stressed for 6 weeks
not taken anything in
sat in lectures and seminars
thinking what are you on about?
doing the work and getting most of it wrong
nearly packed it all in
done my lousy best reading when I wasnt sulking
considered (momentarily) about ending it all
thats 24hours before the assessments
sat and summarised
yesterday I got 8/10 for assessment
today I wrote shed loads and referenced aswell
dont know the mark yet
mostly suprised
that I think I have to remember everything
but its not true
Read the question
break it down
keep it simple
Evidence each bit
Then look at it from a completely different angle
and do it all again
There are no wrongs

I have no idea
even when It seems I am not getting anywhere
even when it seems that I will never get anyway
even when it seems I am not following instructions
the results speak for themselves

Humbled once again
Put in the footwork
Let Go of the outcome
Let Go Let God

Do what you can not what you cant
on any given day
its enough!

Whats the chance of me remembering this
by next week when the next two assessments due?
Bob hope and no hope!



Shadow said...

Even if everything seems VERY dark
its not
just cloudy
clouds pass
Sun always comes out eventually
Its true. ask the flowers!

.....oh that's so very good and good to remember!!!

Kathy Lynne said...

Thanks for inspiring me today and for your words of encouragment yesterday..I needed to hear them..xo

Syd said...

The assessments must be similar to our projects in college. It sounds as if you are quite a capable and good student. When I look back, I'm not sure how I did it all in school; but somehow I managed. We do what we need to do if our hearts are in it.