Todays been an odd one
I have tried to keep it real
and yet not overanalyse!
How do I feel?
Mentally alert
Emotionally Floundering
Physically weak and cough cold
Spiritually strong
I received texts from family
I felt their love for my mum
through their texts about
flowers they had bought
that they were visiting where she is scattered
and that they are thinking about her
I went to buy flowers, but felt fake
I thought about going to a church, and wondered why?
I wondered what I was supposed to do today?
I have absolutely no idea
So I did nothing
cried, let what ever came came
which wasnt much as you see
I did be in touch with others
and let them be themselves
my brother misses her terribly
What do I feel
I really dont know
I cant create a feeling
have I
feelings of hate ? no
feelings of dislike? no
feelings of let down ? no
feelings of abandonment ? no
feelings of anything negative towards her? no
ok then
who am I to say what I am feeling is not love?
who am I to say what degrees and what guise Love comes in?
who am I to say what I feel is not Love
Mum I love you
but I dont miss you
for the right reasons
so I try and fight the Love
try and justify the no Love
No missing her for unselfish reasons, therefore no love allowed
I can see I have been making my own rules up here
another old idea...
needs work:)
GRIEF
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE IT
DONT TRY AND UNDERSTAND IT
DONT RUN OR TRY AND HIDE FROM IT
IT IS A POWERFUL THING
its not negative but sometimes it feels like it
to me its a part of the healing process
healing from a loss
in this instance a loss of a mother
grief process I experienced after a change in behaviour
for instance too, same principle, different thing
I am sure theres more
But I know only a little
more exploration required
in Gods time
Dear Mum
When I think of you today
I think of pink roses like in the picture
your favourite
With a wonderful fragrance
That only a rose can give
Pure, fresh, fragrant, like no other
I love pink roses nowadays, this pink
like this one, because you do
Happy Birthday
I hope you had good one
and please stop by "our kids" house
and give him a kiss while he's sleeping
he misses his mummy
and then come by mine and give me
some mummy love too
thanks
see ya
xx
3 comments:
...that's beautiful!
"GRIEF
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE IT
DONT TRY AND UNDERSTAND IT
DONT RUN OR TRY AND HIDE FROM IT
IT IS A POWERFUL THING
its not negative but sometimes it feels like it
to me its a part of the healing process
healing from a loss"
You blow me away babe, you really do. How fitting that last night was the full moon lunar eclipse? In Virgo no less, the practical HEALER of the zodiac. I love seeing the words of someone else who's let go and let god. It reminds me that as scary and unknowable as our paths might be we are always cradled by the cosmic order....
Happy birthday to your mama and major love to you....
xoxoxo Ingenue
Grief takes time to process. I still grieve my parents but I also accept that they are gone. I just miss them and the idea of not having them can make me sad.
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