Saturday, June 09, 2007

Letting in the sunlight

having taken inventory
and prayed
an answer came

I had to let go of an AA commitment
Its amazing how letting go
of 1 evening a month
has lifted the world off my shoulders

I dont have to do it all
its not spiritual or comfortable
to try and know it all
my pride and self will
often block Gods will
progress not perfectionism

When my will is in line with Gods Will
all the doors seem to open
every step seems more effortless

Just letting go of that 1 thing
somehow opens up the channels on other stuff

Am currently praying on career progression
change in direction
something I wanted years ago
something I couldnt imagine getting into nowadays

pre AA and in early recovery
I wasnt happy with my jobs
I always wanted to change

nowadays, I know what I am good at
I know where my God given powers/skills lie
(or some of them anyway)
nowadays I can see that to completely change
direction is not something i need to do
its not necessary

It seems God has plans for me
plans which use the career skills i already have
and require some studying
to move in a slightly different direction

But it is in the direction I wanted years ago
This is bizarre, God is all powerful
My path is being corrected

Currently putting in the footwork
letting go of the outcome
all doors are opening

Fear rising
Faith rising higher
The truth is setting me free

Anythings possible

god am grateful

Also grateful
Sponsee starting to come out of the fog
Am grateful the answer which came the other day
Sponsee also got the same message
I love it, I didnt have to do anything

had a conversation with another AA
"am i recovered?"
I am recovered from that hopeless state of body and mind
I am no longer suffering
I dont feel like I used too
I do not drink
I have no desire to drink
I am not embarrased that I dont drink
the promises have come true
I have direction
I am useful
I am happy
I have fun
I know what to do today
I have hope
i feel like just another human (imperfect)
I am ok with me, all of me
I feel lucky to have a programme
I am not reliant on human to fix me
I am not cured of alcoholism
"am I recovered?"

1 comment:

Syd said...

It's good that you are happy with where you are and that you have exciting things ahead of you. Moving always forward and not backwards is a good thing. Thanks for another great post.