Sunday, July 15, 2007

Back to basics

Its clear from the last 7 days
that I needed to up my meetings
at the moment

when it was just me
going through steps
doing suggestions
it all became effortless
for a while after Step 9
the pink cloud
then the sponsee
all progressing
Gods in charge
I dont know
Only have my experience
and what I have observed in others
No big deal really
Am just landing off my cloud

Whats happening is
God seems to be enough
Sponsee is using fellowship
and other outside help for
a really important area of her life
which is really a blessing for me
because I have NO experience in that area
Am grateful to have that and to be able to
gently firmly push her in that direction
encouraging its not a weakness to accept outside help
the skill is to find out who is the Best
and build that relationship, make use of them!!
especially when they are free
and they seem to really help when she asks the right questions

So Everythings going well
I got what I wanted and needed
Hole in soul filled
Am now learning how to maintain and improve
No longer the 'ucked up, insecure, neurotic, emotional
So whats happening is
after all that exertion
that feeling that I needed help, someone to be there
now its not the case
no longer needing Sponsor to be there
(it feels unfamiliar but ok at the same time)
yet I hear other people post Step9 always on the phone
to their sponsors about their sponsees
i dunno, maybe I just got lucky with this one
or did i just listen well?
I dunno
am just grateful

Its all going ok BUT

I needed get over myself
what was fine and dandy for me
ie. 2-3 meetings a week & other service
is not enough (at the moment)
for me with a sponsee
and I need to continue to talk to new people
Sponsees are a gift, not my right
They are not my HP

I trust that just like everythinge else
If I keep on
back to basics
this Sponsoring stuff will all become
effortless or something like that at somepoint
aslong as i keep practicing

It does get lonely though
now am not getting the attention!!
I just have to accept am part of a fellowship
No better or worse
No lesser or greater
All part of the Growing up process
in becoming responsible

And acceptance is the answer...
Everythings exactly as its meant to be
Trust the Process
It Works if I work it
It dont if I dont

God I have faith
God I have doubts
God am just gonna get on and do it anyway
I trust in you absolutely

Grateful to be sober and part of

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