Saturday, July 14, 2007

Step 8

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. P59
I made a list
My sponsor helped me understand the difference
Between a harm
and being a pest, annoying and down right thoughtless

Robbing someone of there peace of mind
which I did to my parents
Not being in touch with my brother
for years on end

Main obstacle
inability to get past my own resentments
prevented me ever looking at my part and blocked
all sense of the truth from both angles

The 12x12 talks abouth the obstacles on step 8
one of them being a not doing a thorough inventory
Thankfully I did

However this is what I needed to do
I spent 18months praying and cultivating
a relationship with a loving God
In a very englightening Step 5, 6 and 7 period
and Praying for all them people on my harms list
even at times the ones we eventually knocked off
I had let go absolutely
God completely was running my recovery
And it was lovely

No one told me I had to
Its just the way it happened
There are no coincidences
I was "groomed" by a Loving God
Am happy to call Him
And I trust Him absolutely
When the student is ready, the teacher appears
Time was given time
Time is a great Healer
(I believe right action speeds up the Healing)
I have a Good Spiritual Surgeon (the Best)

It just came to me from the inside out
I realised the true meaning of FORGIVENESS
I realised that in Step 8 i had to forgive first
forgive all the fancied and or real stuff that
I perceived was done to me
BEFORE i could take a look at Step 9
Thats what I got from Step 8
I became willing really willing

Without consciously trying to forgive
Just simply by going through the steps
as laid out in the big book
I also forgave those who has damaged me 30 years ago
they were knocked off my Step8 list
I hadnt harmed them
somehow, God did for me what I and no human and
no vast sums of money and legal justice could ever do
I forgave and let go REALLY let go

The past does not hold me back from living in today

Prayer - works
God is

We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. P66

We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." P67
this became my mantra

Love = forgiveness

Its becoming more and more effortless
natural, organic
This is the easier softer way

Essential for Step 8 = A Sponsor
Essential for Step 8 = Willingness
Essential for Step 8 = Steps 1-7

All page refs AA Big Book

Grteful for my homegroup tonight
Topic Step8 from the Big Book

I dont care anymore how it works
its just so damn brilliant

5 comments:

Gwen said...

Most excellant post~

I too don't care how or why it works I am just glad it does.

Have a great weekend~

Gwen~

Mary Christine said...

Nice post. Good work!

Rhonda said...

I love, "I don't care anymore how it works its just so damn brilliant"
So true.
So true.

Great post. Timely.

I found you on my Mom's blog, (Jeani's)

Trudging said...

My recovery took a gaint leap forward when I stopped caring how the program work. Today I just care that the program works for me(and many other like me.)

Kathy Lynne said...

I am totally not there yet but I was ready to rush on in to Step 4 feeling that I had "accomplished" Step 3. However, I think perhaps I should just set here awhile. Not too long because I want to make progress but what you said..."praying and cultivating
a relationship with a loving God" I need to do a little of that before I can take a good honest look at myself. Thanks johno.