Sunday, July 15, 2007

Step 2

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves
could restore us to sanity

When I came to Step 2
I really had trouble that I could be
restored to anything remotely resembling sane
or well adjusted, or normal, or better, or well
And this Power/God thing
I have no faith in any God
The God and religeos people I know
I definitely dont want to be like them
I had a huge roadblock of Predjudice
and I dont know how to get connected anyway
and i dont think I want to
am not worthy and I am scared of what normal
well adjusted is, I have never been it
not sure I will be able to cope with normal
even if i get it
so i'll have to stay as I am (GULP)

My Sponsor suggested to me to
"Trust the process" (the steps)
How could I trust it? I cant tust anything
I dont know how to trust
anyway the obsession to drinks lifted
But I got all these other problems
perhaps am not really an alky
perhaps I need to be somewhere else
for all these other problems
one toe edging towards the door
the others nailed to the floor
I needed to to find openmindedness
I did trust someone... My Sponsor
She had faith and I trusted her
It was enough to start with

It was suggested to me to"Take a look around AA"
"Listen out for others"
"Were there any others who also had had
similar problems to me?

After more and more meetings
going for coffee, listening loads
I had to say yes
"And what did they do to overcome these
other problems ?"
I could see they had done/were doing the steps
"Does it say anywhere in the literature
that it will work for them and not for you?

No, But...
"Well then... trust the process"
How longs it gonna take ?
"It doesnt say how or when this sanity gets restored"
er ok

So I came to believe "Just maybe" this COULD work for me too
Step 2 doesnt promise anything to us
It asks us to believe in a power Greater than ourselves
At this Stage for me it was the Steps
The evidence in the rooms
LIVING PROOF that these 12 steps works on everything

There are people I considered
More mental, less mental than me
craved more for drink, craved less than me
it works for all
I had to surrender
become Openminded

I could see from my drinking history
and how I tried to manage alcohol and life
and it was definitely not normal
insanity is doing the same thing over and over
and expecting a different result
I definitely did alot of that!!
And as for all my other problems

Quite as important was the discovery that
spiritual principles would solve all my problems
Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

Before a meeting someone said
*Surrender to Win*

So the journey was
It wasnt gonna work for me
I did it anyway - anylengths
I was wrong
I am glad

Ps I am now normal HA HA NOT
I am now Extra-Ordinary!!
and I like it that way
who wants to be normal anyway?

1 comment:

Christine said...

I am still at time terminally unique--- oh sometimes I wish I was normal and denial was still my shield. But then I worked the Steps and am here where I am today. My life better than its ever ever been