Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Short sentences v long and waffley (old behaviour)

To those who commented on my style of writing

Its Another miracle
really as the result of the steps,
Sponsorship
Accepting the ego puncturing truth
staying honest
being willing to change
Giving time time
and continuing to work at it

I used to waffle on soooo much
to my Sponsor by email and SMS,
I ended up being a complete pest
most of what I wrote was just self analysis
vague woolley theories about STUFF
I could never get to the point
I was too scared to even try and say what
exactly I might be trying to say
so I would theorise
and hope somewhere in the 500-1000 words
she would get the gist
and send me back in two short sentence
the answer to ALL my problems

She suggested I write short sentences
To the point
I tried to really hard
over a period of months
But couldnt MANAGE too

So I had to stop emailing
and other written communication
As it wasnt helpful to my recovery
and a was a huge take up of her time

The last few years
I made a deal with my Sponsor
that I wouldnt email or SMS her
its self will and fear based activity
When I do, she reminds me
that she doesnt Sponsor by email or SMS
in which case I shuffle my feet
squirm and pick up the phone

Blogging was a good suggestion made to me
As it helped me to get STUFF out
and it gave/gives me time to
process it while I write

I also blogged my gratitude lists
So again the short sentences

So thats where it started
And now I tend to talk in short
to the point sentences aswell
MOST OF THE TIME

I can go off on one at times
like the Best of us
but mostly I get sick of hearing my own
voice fairly quickly

Some of it is pride to
talking out loud
giving my opinion (to non AA's)
is something I am learning
Am actually starting to have an opinion
on things, which is progress
so getting it past my teeth
or passed the keyboard
again is progress

I like my short sentences too
Some people call it poetry
Sometimes I wonder whether
Am being "groomed" by God to write songs
to go with my guitar lessons
I have no idea really

All I know is once I was waffley and unclear
And became a pest
Now I keep it simple
And I seem to be more clear
Selfishly
This is just what feels comfortable too me
Its an unexpected bonus you'se like it too

Am I a budding song writer ?
A poet that doesnt know it ?
I dunno
Until I do, I'll just keep on
As I am
Just an alcoholic
Trying to be on maximum helpfulness
One days At A time
Grateful for Sponsors
They are the ones that tell me the truth
I need to hear

Grateful to be sober
Grateful to be WILLING
Grateful willing to put in the ACTION
and to give time time

Nearly two years ago
I couldnt write in this style
Now I can
Its the only way I know
I have tried going back... and cant!!

Another example of
"God doing for me what I couldnt do for myself"
I have changed because I wanted to
I didnt want to stay the way I was
In any area of my life

little by little
EASY DOES - BUT DO IT

Trust God
Trust the process
Any Lengths
Action
Let Go

Now am waffling HAHA

Glad you like it :)

Good night

2 comments:

Christine said...

Love it!

My sponsor told me I can hide out in the puter so face to face meetings, talking on the phone and face to face fellowship is #1

Meg Moran said...

trusting the process...amazing where it takes us.