Saturday, July 07, 2007

Hungry Angry Lonely Tired - today am lonely ?

Today I felt restless irritable discontented
prayed
took inventory
prayed
left message on Sponsors v/mail
even hearing the sound of my own voice
revealed nothing to me

Started to feel Alone
Wanted something
but not from something/person
I just wanted to know what was wrong

what came was I am needy
Needing to know exactly what was wrong NOW
in my time, instant comfortableness please
then no your just Lonely, your problem is you are just lonely
A Solution go to a meeting ?

Yeh went to a meeting
Went for coffee, talked with some fellows
I WAS holding something back
theres something I did this week
that was just blocked me off from being myself

I went to another meeting
the my problem revealed itself
not by anyone
It just came

I may have an amend to make
not sure, so i left a message for Sponsor
Briefly explained my problem & that I need help
Its nor something I want to discuss with other AA's
GOSSIP KILLS and somethings ARE just for Sponsors ears only

Its bizarre, I haven't had much to speak with
her about lately which is not a problem
although today I started wondering whether
I had become arrogant
I do not think this is the case
Although I dont know that either, and I dont need to today

Will see what happens
I accept I will make mistakes
My problem is not falling victim of my own perfectionism
Other people are more forgiving of me than I am myself

Inventory, prayer meditation, meetings, talking, listening
All helped to cut through the unnecessary
To reveal the root of my problem

An action I made this week driven by
Arrogance, self righteousness & fear & selfishness
Has resulted in me feeling uncomfortable
Wrong motives

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn´t think so.P62

Put in the action, let Go of the outcome
Thank God I do not have to do life Alone
Its impossible

Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid.P62

Page refs Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous

2 comments:

Pam said...

remember when we did not feel the least bit uncomfortable with our behaviors?
This was a good post for me to read this evening! THANKS, and thanks for stopping by my blog.

MICKY said...

A recent copy of Reader's Digest has a couple of articles on Alcoholics Anonymous. The crux of the articles is that the famous 12 Steps, don't work at all. Apparently, there's no data to support the claim that Alcoholics Anonymous is successful at getting people to stop drinking. For those of you who don't know, here they are [Alcoholics Anonymous]. From my own experience, the 12 Steps, shut down the critical thinking section of ones brain. What do you think? Comments are welcome!!
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY