Sunday, January 20, 2008

Yoga and acting dishonestly gets more difficult

I didn't race out of bed this morning
But I did get to yoga on time again
I really like this Sunday morning time
the room is VERY bright
and the teacher has a different style
to my other teacher
many positions are similar
but she comes at it from a different angle
and I like that
I'm starting to get what I wanted
seeing how to use yoga in daily life
breathing in, stillness and letting go
awareness of self, honesty, listening
I love yoga!

Dishonesty becomes more difficult
Because I choose to try and live honestly

I usually buy a monthly travelcard
which gets me practically everywhere
I need to go around town
as often as i like
which ever mode of transport
any station (within the right zones)
without me having to think

A kind of sloth occurs
regarding just spending out £x each month
afforable, and just paying it out
no question
Dont get me wrong, I dont begrudge it
I just become aware of the amount
when I can to renew and
wondered how much a pay as you go
type would cost ME for the month
with all the journeys
and whether I would find that I am spending
extra money without realising it?
a cross check on value for money I suppose

I find that certain modes namely
overland trains I cant use the pay as you go
therefore I am limited in my commute to the
hot tub(e) each day or a bus ride
and I pay again for train rides

Many trains do not have ticket barriers
or ticket checkers on the trains
at the weekends..... see whats coming?

Today, I arrange to meet up with someone
which involves leaving my station (no ticket checks)
and getting of at another (again no ticket checks)
On the way back from yoga
I check trains running
AND notice the ticket machine is broken! Hear me cheer!
So i can get away with it??? a reasonable excuse
I return later to catch the train
Enter the station.... the ticket office is open
see I NOTICED IT....
Now how hard is it to Get down onto the platform
a) I have the money
b) I have the time before the trains coming
c) I made a deal NOT to live like that where possible!
I made to go down the stairs
and by the time I got to c)
I had turned around and bought a return ticket...

Its too hard and exhausting living in a lie
Now I have crossed a line
I cant go back
no matter how much I try
There is a mental defense
that kicks in
Gods will v my will (first thought, schemes and plans)
See I listen
these little challenges check out my integrity
To act dishonestly in this instance
would have instigated fear, pride, self pity
regret in me, and possibly a penalty fine!

I feel happy about
Steps 4,5,6,7 without them
ie before
I would have just gone and got away with it
and moved on once the journey was over
without real sense of being grounded in
why I acted that way
OR i may buy a ticket, may not
depends how SELF righteous I was feeling
Like yesterday
I used a bus its rare that your tickets
are checked, so I didnt....
And now its on my conscience
I almost feel like getting on a bus an paying
and getting off again to justify my action
see I am still living yesterdays dishonesty

God gave me an opportunity to change today
What (step10) Corrective measures?.... pay up
Its my peace of mind
that suffers... all for £0.90 saving yesterday!

see ya

ps. in my own attempt to act with Integrity
Heres another post from my Food blog

To thine own self be true


Rhonda said...

it's the little things that can wreck us...
thanks for your transparency on this.

Christine said...

thats so honest!

molly said...

i love love LOVE yoga. WHEN I can get my a*s to class that is! i wish i were more steadfast in going and in my own practice. thanks for sharing this girl :) that honesty thing - practicing in ALL our affairs is tough stuff I am finding..