Sunday, January 20, 2008

Yoga and acting dishonestly gets more difficult

I didn't race out of bed this morning
But I did get to yoga on time again
I really like this Sunday morning time
the room is VERY bright
and the teacher has a different style
to my other teacher
many positions are similar
but she comes at it from a different angle
and I like that
I'm starting to get what I wanted
seeing how to use yoga in daily life
breathing in, stillness and letting go
awareness of self, honesty, listening
I love yoga!

Dishonesty becomes more difficult
Because I choose to try and live honestly


I usually buy a monthly travelcard
which gets me practically everywhere
I need to go around town
as often as i like
which ever mode of transport
any station (within the right zones)
without me having to think

A kind of sloth occurs
regarding just spending out £x each month
afforable, and just paying it out
no question
Dont get me wrong, I dont begrudge it
I just become aware of the amount
when I can to renew and
wondered how much a pay as you go
type would cost ME for the month
with all the journeys
and whether I would find that I am spending
extra money without realising it?
a cross check on value for money I suppose

I find that certain modes namely
overland trains I cant use the pay as you go
therefore I am limited in my commute to the
hot tub(e) each day or a bus ride
and I pay again for train rides

WHERES THE DISHONESTY FIT IN?
Many trains do not have ticket barriers
or ticket checkers on the trains
at the weekends..... see whats coming?

Today, I arrange to meet up with someone
which involves leaving my station (no ticket checks)
and getting of at another (again no ticket checks)
On the way back from yoga
I check trains running
AND notice the ticket machine is broken! Hear me cheer!
So i can get away with it??? a reasonable excuse
I return later to catch the train
Enter the station.... the ticket office is open
see I NOTICED IT....
Now how hard is it to Get down onto the platform
knowing
a) I have the money
b) I have the time before the trains coming
c) I made a deal NOT to live like that where possible!
I made to go down the stairs
and by the time I got to c)
I had turned around and bought a return ticket...

Its too hard and exhausting living in a lie
Now I have crossed a line
I cant go back
no matter how much I try
There is a mental defense
that kicks in
Gods will v my will (first thought, schemes and plans)
See I listen
these little challenges check out my integrity
To act dishonestly in this instance
would have instigated fear, pride, self pity
regret in me, and possibly a penalty fine!

I feel happy about
Steps 4,5,6,7 without them
ie before
I would have just gone and got away with it
and moved on once the journey was over
without real sense of being grounded in
why I acted that way
OR i may buy a ticket, may not
depends how SELF righteous I was feeling
Like yesterday
I used a bus its rare that your tickets
are checked, so I didnt....
And now its on my conscience
I almost feel like getting on a bus an paying
and getting off again to justify my action
see I am still living yesterdays dishonesty

God gave me an opportunity to change today
What (step10) Corrective measures?.... pay up
Its my peace of mind
that suffers... all for £0.90 saving yesterday!

see ya

ps. in my own attempt to act with Integrity
Heres another post from my Food blog

To thine own self be true

3 comments:

Rhonda said...

it's the little things that can wreck us...
thanks for your transparency on this.

Christine said...

thats so honest!

molly said...

i love love LOVE yoga. WHEN I can get my a*s to class that is! i wish i were more steadfast in going and in my own practice. thanks for sharing this girl :) that honesty thing - practicing in ALL our affairs is tough stuff I am finding..