The truth is now out

When the line goes
I spent Christmas at xxxx's mums
TRUTH just came up to my face and looked me in the eye
or jumped off the page
The truth hurts at times but I prefer to know
Its getting easier to find out sooner than later

My Interest has a significant other (groan)
So I have to let go (more groaning)
Well that is what God tells me
Hand it over
self wills creaking under the strain
I predict a riot!
So before it happend
I have to remind myself of the deal
I made to do the right thing
do anything as long as its not destructive
I added on the end of the
... to myself or others

I chose to try to walk the path of righteousness
Hand in Hand with the spirit of the Universe
not veer off into a dishonest
wrestling with a herd of pigs
when I can blatently see it ahead or next to me

I choose not to live infant..asy
old thinking
hanging on to what is not IN THE HERE AND NOW
there is no room for me
when there is someone else
and so I must not hang around
wishing and hoping or nudging along
there is no point and thats self will
I have done enough of this in the past
Self will run riot P62
Time to read Step 3 again and again and again
another desicion on yet another area of my life

First thought
Well have to cease all contact
Stop going where we both go
(which is where we met)
and sulk

There has been nothing going on
no flirting, I dont think so anyway
its just been simple really
and more friendly as times gone on

But I dont want to do any of that
First thought stuff ANYMORE
If I cease and avoid ALL people I get feelings for
I would have to live in Greenland
and even then the eskimo's would not be safe

So for now
I choose to keep on keeping on
grow this friendship
accept it as a friendship
and pray for my interest and
significant other, and wish them well
grit teeth initially, I know the praying
will get easier and it works
its true

No fantasy
no hanging around

If you love someone you have to let them go
if they are meant to come back... they will
its none of my business
I have no idea how cupid works... do you?

I know what the relationship is, boundaries are set
and its ok for it to stay that way
the friendship is growing and its lovely
If I can't handle it
or should I say my head cant handle it
then I have to be honest and walk away

Its worked in the past
It has to be done
again and again
It is the easier softer way

I have spent too long
hanging around waiting
or getting involved with
people in relationships
who think the grass is greener
or who I think there grass will be greener
and it isnt
Its a lie

I cant deal with the head 'uck
of a double life
or with someone else's double life
and its not what I agreed with God
when I did Step 4
I don't want to be like that anymore

being single
has its moments of self pity
but generally its far better and richer
being single and honest
than half measures in or out of dishonest fantasy
I cant do half measures
they avail me nothing!

Let Go and let God

ok, I have to pray for them for the next 2 weeks
twice a day or more if required
and see what happens

ultimately I am prepared after
going to anylengths
to walk down a different street

Is this what they mean by
the road gets narrower
and it gets more difficult
to NOT do the right thing?

More Growing up pains, I am feeling

I'm off down t'gym show off my tan
and good looks

see y'all

desperado... this is how I use to be
I am coming to my senses

These things that pleased me, hurt me
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get



There's someone out here
I just haven't found 'em yet
or did I just let someone go a while back?
Cos I was just to scared to say what I wanted
and too sick at the time anyway
to have any hope of anything
but a hostage situation

I can see now
that its possible
to let someone in
and let them out again

God help me please
while i'm at the gym
help me process this stuff