Sunday, August 12, 2007

Fear must not be a problem

To listen to Fear
To act in Fear
is not in line with Gods Will
Or Spiritual principles

Why ?

Fear of what people think of me
Fear of failure
Fear of Success
Fear of being good enough
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of being good enough
Fear of dying
Fear of being alive
Fear of acheiving
Fear of underacheiving
Fear of trying
Fear of not trying

These Fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build P49 12 steps and 12 traditions

Nothing changes if nothing changes
I have come to a point where
I HAVE to change the things I can
I have no reason not to

Resist and it will persist
20 years I have resisted this
20 years I have wanted and not done it
20 years I have wondered and not done it
I have tried other degrees, other jobs
and still this "one" comes back to bite me on the ass
and "it" says, "what about me? why do you keep avoiding me?"
"How much longer are you gonna resist ?"
"To the bitter end ?" "Or end in bitterness ?"

No regrets, no I couldnt have done it before
Whats my excuse now ?

Fear, pride and now with sloth creeping in
will eventually lead to a pack of resentments
and a very low self esteem, and regret...

Time to take action
Hounds of Love are Calling me
Its coming at me through the trees
and I dont know whats Good for me
(this is now a lie, regarding this, I do know now whats good for me)

3 women, encouraging in their own style
3 who are either in it ddone it or ddoing it...
and still my head goes...
nope and up come the same old roadblocks
and a few new ones

Church tonight, lesson for me is
Addiction, can be about old thoughts, old behaviour
Also even though life is working out ok
and all fitting together fine
someimes it needs dismanteling, mixing up abit
some cchange of whats working is also ok, good for the soul
trysting that even if It mixes up and changes
I will be looked after, aslong as keep on doing the right
things and my motives are good
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed. P102
I have to give all of me over to the Care of my HP
especially my thinking
especially my old thinking
especially my old motives
especially my driving defects
let in love and service
Trust and keep trusting
Nothing and everything
God

I have prayed and prayed to be show Gods will for me
We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care with complete abandon. Here are the steps we took, P59
never have I got as far as applications

I dont know what Gods will is for me
Which way do I go next ?
I have two roads which feel like they right
two roads neither of which seem perfect
both of which I want
Time to stop talking and thinking
fill in applications for both directions which feel like they are the right way
and see what happens
Let go and let God

you know what you want
now shut up and Just'uckindoit

Johno you stopped being a victim
20th August 2003
now your just being a drama queen

'uckinell, wheres my duvet



4 comments:

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

getting out of your comfort zone feels frigtening yes. but theres no other way out. you just gotta walk OUT of it and feel the insecurity and DO IT ANYWAY.
Fear is a very healthy sign because it means you are in unfamiliar territory and you are taking risks. this is how it should be.

Christine said...

I surrendered on Aug 18 006 and my life has been transforms

I can't do without a bit of drama now and then of course and fear and martyrdom and and and!

Determined1 said...

When I leave my comfort zone, in particular when I want to say something to someone/speak up for myself/put my point accross I feel like I will somehow be told off or put down or ridiculed if I do say it. I just keep have to keep practising I discovering that even if those things do happen I still have a right to speak up and stop being a spineless doormat. Good luck with your new chapter(s)!

johno said...

God thanks all, Christine, August is an amazing month isnt it, I love it. Glad I share it with you :)