Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Madness dispersing - remedy Action and more Action

Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director.P62 When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed.P63

last night I prayed for the words
to write in my personal statement
for the application I am about to complete

What happened was
I wrote the most honest, positive statement
about myself
Honest, sincere, humourous even, with integrity
I cannot believe its about me
except today I know its about me
This is how I actually am
I am not trying to bullshit my way in
I have certain skills
and I have still alot to learn
Amongst many other stuff
AA has taught me to be true to myself
If I lie on an application form
the Fear it will bring up in trying to
live up to that lie

I give all of me
I am enough

I am fully armed about the facts of my condition TODAY
I know my strengths and wekanesses TODAY

I am no longer the person who would have applied for the same course 20 years ago
I do have a lot to offer
and do have alot to learn
My motives are good
Self discipline
and self confidence
I have all these
Now where all that come from ?

"As the result of these steps"
and CONTINUING to IMPROVE and try to be of SERVICE
Continuing to try and bring my will in line with Gods
Keeping on Keeping on

I sent an email to the course leader today
infact 7.20am this morning !?
yeh I get up well befor that
and had time to check over what I wrote last night
and then send it
... this is not the Johno, I was 6 months ago...
its quite unerving sometimes when I notice
the astounding difference... its true

He replied fast not long after 9am
thanked me for my "helpful" email !?
and said I sounded like just the kind of person
they are looking for on the course
and suggested I send the application in
he said I would need to take
A skills and comprehension test
which he will give me no advance guidance on
as its important to them not too
Hmmm "Self will didnt" like that...
faith dude, have faith...

See i told the truth
I didnt write to impress
I just said how it was

I am going on Saturday to an open day and sit the test/s
I have until Saturday to complete the application
Today this does not seem a tall order

The personal statement I "hate writing" is written
I just copy out the email I sent today
It needs no amending
it attracted the course leader its enough
All that is in it is true
am happy with it

Personal statement out the way
Now I hate tests !?
I have to choose a referee

Easy does it but do it
Cinch by the inch
Little by little
Just do the next right thing
Put in the action and let go of the outcome

We paddle, God steers

If I get on this it will be a miracle

I am reining in ALL thoughts about the future
The future being the first week of the course
How it will change my day to day stuff
Until I get the acceptance letter
ALL predictions "Self Will"
are pointless and divert me from whats in front of me
I dont know what I dont know
Stay in the present moment AT ALL TIMES

None the what if's going on...
None of the head committee debating...
I may not pass the tests
I may pass the tests
I may get on the course
I may not
I may have to change certain activities
I may not
Its really not happening

At this moment in time
I have made a DECISION and TURNED this over
I have to honour the DECISION I have made
To follow this through, do all the RIGHT ACTIONS
until "they" tell me NO or YES !!

All Fear has been removed
Faith is here

Faith without works is dead
Faith with works is very much alive

No restin on laurels for this dude!
S'funny Saturday isnt that far away
But in AA time its ages
AA sober minutes seem to have extra seconds
AA sober days are fuller
Gods time not mine

Now I can see it
I wannit, I really wannit

God I love ya x

1 comment:

Determined1 said...

Cool-your personal statement all writen. Your post really helped me as I am thinking about what to say to my boss when I hand my notice in and I haven't even been to the second interview yet!! These thoughts detract me from the next task in hand: focusing on what I need to prepare for the next interview. Doing the next right thing, clinch by the inch it's hard by he yard, that's what I need to do. Cheers for the helpful post.