Friday, August 17, 2007

Grief - Loss - of mum/of wallet - same process

could be, could be not
today I am very tired
today I couldnt manage to get up
today I went to work knackered
today I did my best at half speed
today I went to bank
today I said I lost my wallet
today I sorted my card
today am ready for bed before i got out of bed
today am quiet
today I called some newcomers
today I copied my application
today I am just keeping on
today I have taken inventory
today I have prayed
today am going to my home group
today am going to the meeting after the meeting
today am very grateful for it going SLOWLY
today am grateful for it going my way
today I am emotionally drained
today my inventory showed my
hurt pride - I showed my imperfectness
my carelessness - intolerence towards self
my self will - i didnt manage to be perfect
my fear - for the test tomorrow

My gratitude is that I can see all that
My gratitide is that I can pray for it all to go
My gratitude is for acceptance
my gratitude is that I will turn up tomorrow
My gratitude is for I will just do my best
My gratitude is that I will be taken care of

Today am not afraid
of how I feel
or how I am
i am alright
I havent hurt anyone
I just letting me be

I love all this

3 comments:

Pam said...

I love all this too :)
I love that you are happy with keeping it simple...cause it really does work best that way.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

yeah when the presure is on, you tend to lose things more easily. its normal. and doing new challenging stuff makes you feel like a beginner again. ie a bit crap. thats why the confidence gets dented. but its fine. theres no other way to learn new stuff, so you are stuck with it. this is what humilty feels like. you get used to feeling like an idiot after a while. Its stops being embarrasing being a 'beginner'. Its a much healthier outlook to learn new stuff every now and again, to realise how little we reallly know. nothing worse than smug self confidence.

Rhonda said...

I love this post.
It brings a sense of gratitude to me.
Thank you for that.