Monday, August 22, 2005

i wanted so badly to not feel like this

I was bruised and battered and I couldn't tell what I felt
I was unrecognizable to myself, Saw my reflection in a window
I didn't knowmy own face, Oh brother are you gonna leave me, wasting away
On the streets of Philadelphia

I walked the avenue till my legs felt like stone,
I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone
Atnight I could hear the blood in my veins,Just as black&whispering as the rain
On the streets of Philadelphia

Ain't no angel gonna greet me, It's just you and I my friend
& my clothes dont fit me nomore,I walked a thousand miles,just to slip this skin

The night has fallen, I'm lyin' awake, I can feel myself fading away
So receive me brother withyour faithless kiss or will we leave eachother alone likethis
On the streets of Philadelphia
Streets of Philadelphia...Bruce Springsteen

I wanted so badly not to feel like that... but I did for years and years and years

TODAY
I feel full with life,
I recognise myself, am getting to know me
am growing to like me
I know more of the time how i feel
you describe me perfectly & thats ok
I no longer feel that i am wasting away,
am hopeful, useful & with purpose
TODAY
I did what i needed to do,
which is also what i wanted to do
went where i needed to go
which is also where i wanted to go
I am didnt feel alone or lonely
TODAY
Angels did greet me
and today i walk amongst them
today i am comfortable in my skin
TODAY
I am growing not fading
i have found a faith that works
you showed how
an am just doing it

Today I am on a spiritual high
Today you didnt need to tell me what i needed to do
Today i intuitively knew how to handle a situation which used to baffle me
I worked with another alcoholic
i did it anyway
I so wanted to maintain this inner peaceful feeling
i forgot that by giving it away we get to keep it
because i was doing it anyway

While this works, i got no reason to stop
while i got nothing else that will duplicate this feeling, i keep on doing it
you have no monopoly on ways to make you feel good
i havent got the money to try it all out yet
i'll keep on listening to you all
let you plant the seeds in me
they will grow in time, in Gods time

am learning for the first time in my how to live within my means
to be self supporting consistently
its hard, impatience, envy, greed are wanting at every corner
patience, willingness & labor (P163 Big Book)
you cant buy this feeling i got washing over me, over and over
its inner peace, its love, its truth, its a priceless gift
A gift of the magical mysterious 12 steps and this fellowship i am a part of


5 comments:

Trudging said...

Sounds like God is working in your life.

Blue said...

wonderful & don't forget to keep coming back :D

NMAMFQLMSH said...

I'm glad we have TODAY.
Peace,
JJ

johno said...

Today is a Gift
Thats why they call it the Present

Scott W said...

What an inspiring post! Glad I found your blog and I have added it to my daily reading.