I lied yesterday. Taking a sick day without being sick, IS a form of dishonesty
Any form of dishonesty is a SEVERE LIABILITY as far as my recovery is concerned.
So white lies are OUT, along with ALL other ‘harmless’ versions of dishonesty, if i am planning on recovering that is
Chapter 5. HOW IT WORKS page 58 Alcoholics Anonymous
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Grave = dangerous, grave, grievous, serious, severe Big Book Dictionary
I got reminded today that I suffer from a GRAVE emotional & mental disorder any form of dishonesty is a SEVERE LIABILITY as far as recovery is concerned, and relief from grave mental and emotional disorders.
I knew yesterday was uncomfortable, it was the lying that i did, that i didnt admit too... why? because I didnt realise that i was lying. I justified my dishonesty, as a means to save my own skin, my actions were all well intentioned, good motives etc, so it didnt seem like dishonesty. Or it made what i did appear to be ok then. Infact i never even thought about the words dishonesty or lying atall yesterday.
I still dont see myself as dishonest, rather arrogant huh? I must be, i just cant see it.
I got alot to learn. Am so steeped in deluded thinking.
Do not be discouraged. Progress not Perfection. Keep coming back
Read the Big Book, REALLY read it.
Thank God I got a Sponsor who can see my defects when I miss them
A note to me - a measure on how well I cope outside my head & with other people. Theres a party going on on Trudges Blog, and I cant even take part. Still crippled by pride, Self centred Fear... they block the sunlight from my imagination. Keep Coming Back Johno, Do not be discouraged. First Things First.