Sunday, August 14, 2005

Landing the Airbus

Bizarre this feeling, now in the final week, of 24th months of continuous sobriety, was reading back at 2years ago journal

"Got invited to party where i knew there would be drugs, i got very little boundaries towards sexual stuff, and was very feared up where it would lead. Isolating at home, on my own, with my vodka that that final Saturday may have saved my life getting even more fecked up. I went back to bed for the afternoon and slept. Woke up at 8.30pm and started drinking, too late to go out anyway, thankfully. Sunday, did the same alone.

Last year cant find what i wrote, strange that.

2 years ago, at this time, i was totally in the darkglasses, trying to get off the ground, self made chocolate wings, about to jump of a cliff and try to fly towards the sun...

1 year ago, realised that a flying machine is the easier softer way. Chose a small plane, just big enough for me n Sponsor, I stuck my Sponsor in the driving seat, me hanging on to one wing by my fingernails, very unbalanced it was, shaky, and yet i still asking if its safer in the plane or hanging on the wing. I didnt quite believe it was safer in, i always survived living on the edge.

Today, I chose an airbus, the new one, biggest one, as for the pilot, well you cant see the pilot, NOPE you cant, but we definitely have one... its Higher Powered. Full on trust, has too be with 421 tonnes, flying through the air, without a parachute. Brace position an option that I choose not to adopt today. Engine temperature reaching 1/2 the temperature of the sun, no room for chocolate on this flight.

How do you land that thing then? Without Fear, Johno's coming down to land, runways in sight, couple of Home Groups and Phone service slot on the way down, 22 wheels down, or will we just carry on, why land, its great up here, we got lots of unlimited airtime each day, refuelled by trust & action, why land? how about carrying on, keeping on. Theres a bit of turbulence, a few bumps in the airpace, forcast for Tuesday, but no big deal. DONT WORRY.

Keep on keeping on, turn up, go to anylengths, trust your higher power, give freely of what you find, talk wi newcomers, do the suggestions and clean house. Ok I will.

I just found out, THIS airbus has the hugest cargo area, and its got one thing in it.... A rocket!! am gonna check it out.

Is this what deluded thinking is ? Ought I resume the Brace postion ? is "The unflattering imperfect truth" TODAY that am on full flight from reality ?

Am going to a meeting, by BUS, get grounded

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