Learning by helping someone else, how to walk myself.
two people that I know of in my life have/had cancer, one walked through it, twice, the other is on her 2nd time. Both are teaching me. My mum, the Golden example of how to walk through it, she bin through the chemo, and a removal of a body part, total acceptance, walking through it, trusting the process, doing the right thing.
The other I dunno, its a fucker, I am no expert, am learning little by little, or is it big by big, its another killer illness that wants to get you on your own, in your bed an kill you.
She emailed me, just like i said she could and told me its a crap day. What did I do? see through the self pity, look at the problem, and offer a solution. We cant solve the cancer in the next 12 hours, but we can solve the problem of not eating, or living on weetabix. Solution find a book thats about good food to fight cancer, find the food she likes and eat it.
Today I got this "thought" love the cancer.... wheres that come from ? I have an idea where it came from.
thought said Love the cancer,
my head said we cant, its an alien, its gonna kill her.
thought said, its a cancer, cancer doesnt know its an enemy, it just does what cancer does
my head said, what? you mean its not an enemy ?
thought said, no not in the sense that you see an enemy. Its not here to kill, its just found a warm place to grow, its doing what cancer does.
my head said, what do we have to do then ? ask it to leave ?
thought said. well you can try that, you can also go to any lengths to make it as impossible as possible for the cancer to grow, it may just get fed up and leave.
head said, what do you mean ?
thought said, werent you paying attention ? she already told you what the problem is at the weekend, the problem is she is having her immune system blasted by chemicals, the chemo kills everything, The immune system is the key.
head says, its the immune system that needs nurturing, the immune system is a power greater than the cancer ?
thought said.... yes.
head says, so its another killer illness that needs a power greater than itself to kick it into remission a day at a time.
Thought said.... yes love everything in Gods Universe, but it doesnt mean that, cancer rules, cancer is just a part of the Universe
Head said, another 3 fold illness of the mind body and spirit ?
thought said yes
head said, oh my god, anylengths is not kicking the cancer out today, its getting the HALT right, hungry, eat, lonely, tell someone, angry, see whats confusing and tired, have a rest. Its about getting the basics right, getting into fit spiritual, physical & mental condition to face everything.
Thought said... do not tackle all of lifes problems today, just try to deal with the most lacking TODAY.
head said thank you, i'll try to pass all that on
so I did & then let go
The nurse said, nothing I can do to reduce the Harmless cysts. However for me too, I took advice from an natural therapy expert regarding the "hereditary harmless cysts" i have, can they be reduced by anything ? Yes she said, try looking up this and this on google, it'll give you all kinds of pointers. The triggers are so vast its unbelievable, not just food. They even disguise themselves as other things, cunning huh.
Today, am grateful for the cyst, a definable lump that has given me a greater insight into my inner self, exploring further how to improve my well being from the inside out.
Regarding the undiagnosed grey area. No matter what the outcome is for me next week, my relationship with God is being strengthened. The weekends meeting, the CD, the email from Mums friend, her trusting me, me having something, some spiritual principles to pass on, there are no coindidences.
oh yeh, I had a tear on the way home tonight, its coming... am human
I am happy, today living with uncertainty, my future is uncertain, but then isnt everyones?
keep on, keeping on, until told otherwise