Pre mental Tension - Caught me unawares!!

I am not going to apologise for the
content of this post, its all about me
and myself and how I am physically

Am completely Powerless over when....
1 week early!?
no am not worried
I diarise, I prepare, get "fit" in all areas
watch for the symptoms
This one completely came from no where
A curve ball
So Friday evenings behaviour is not so random now
its bleedin obvious
(sorry no pun intended it just happened)

One day a month
I am better of selotaping my mouth shut
where possible staying away staying in bed
as this is not possible
and I choose no longer to duvet dive
and bunk off work
as I am not ill (hmmm)

I have to excersize extreme restraint of tongue
pen and email and blo...
i was gonna add blog, but then why do i need to
I blog for me
Its my thinking, my processing, my tool
where my thinking was going, didnt concern me Friday
I knew I would take inventory pretty quick
and get to the root and deal with it
(and I did Saturday Morning,
and promptly admitted my wrong)
My thinking interested me more than anything
How the mood changed
Anger, resentment, sulking
Why it had got like that
Now its obvious

Though you know
because I now know to stay honest
because I now do not destroy the innocent
because I do show my "ugly" true self
at people who are strong enough, strong AA and God
There arent many who take my inventory
But I am grateful for it
Even if I dont like it immediately
Its what I need
funnily my sponsee almost did the other day

PMT doesnt change anything
I said about myself on Friday
I had reverted to a control freak
and I didnt know what to do
Its true I am new at sponsoring
I am not new at working with newcomers
They are both different
I was trying to control this "cat"
Trying to make it go may way
Cos my way was "the only" way
It was subtle, but there even so
Cunning

I do trust my intuition
I do trust Prayer
I do trust God
I do trust my own experience
I do trust the experience of others
I do not do everything I am told
I do take suggestions
I do try things
Not always immediately
Nothing goes to waste
If its not relevant today
It maybe tomorrow or next year
Shove it in the library

Am grateful for Sponsors and everyone elses
suggestions and especially grateful
to anyone who take my inventory
it must be needed
whether I choose to take notice
is my business

Its a reminder
that no one has all the answers
its like a jigsaw
between us we get there

Spent a couple of hours yesterday
in prayer and inventory
It so helps me get clarity on everything
So did tradition 6... but thats another post

God always seems to have a way of sorting things out
when I let him,
I did what was suggested.... nothing else

And once again God did for me what I couldnt
do for myself

Sponsee told me she wasnt willing
to put recovery first at the mo and would call
me when she is...

There are no coincidences

Ok am off now
Another conversation with God

Thank you for all your Birthday Wishes
I had the most awesome 36hours
Loads of posts and pictures
just stuff that came up
things that interest me
like a Ninja Duck in St James Park
I took a video of this Duck going to anylengths...
serious dudes!! I dunno how to post a video
will take a year for me to download it off the camera

To finish off where I started
(oh God theres another one!?)
dressed very becomingly for
Ronnie Scotts
heels and yeh ok a dress aswell (shhh)
I hate to admit it... very classy bird i was...
Excellent Original Blues Brothers band
"From off the original movie!!" its true
I am so damn lucky

how come I had been home only a few hours after a long day
and night, I got in a 3am ish and had only been
home a few hours when it happened ?
If it happened a few hours earlier
It would have been well messy

There really are no coincidence
God looks after mee in so many ways

Baa